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Angel Mountain by Christine Sunderland (Eugene, Oregon: Resource Publications, 2020, 267 pages)

Reviewed by Francis Etheredge

In many ways, although this is only the second novel I have read of this author, it reads as a climax of many threads that, one imagines, have been gathering momentum through Christine Sunderland’s seventy years of life which, with the twists and turns of an exciting write, she has turned into a spiritual thriller, racing through the tensions of our times and, at the same time, pausing in front of the mystery of God and prayer: that striking contrast between upheaval and turmoil and the still point of being still: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46: 10).

We enter a world rightly worried about the need to remember war, its abuses, the escalation of conflict, the unholy influence of drugs and money, terrorism and its dehumanizing isolation and destructiveness, the experience of refugees, and the many ways that we come to the solid foundations of our lives and of the societies in which we live in discerning the ethical use of reason, science, the great and majestic sweep of culture, civilization and religion. This contemporary scene is embraced, as it were, within the structure of time echoing God’s work of creation and, as the novel develops, so the almost contradictory song of praise rises from one of Sunderland’s most dramatic characters.

We enter this world, then, through a variety of voices who range from the almost deranged terrorist to the prophetic voice of a modern day John the Baptist and a whole range of characters in between, either thinking through their relationship to the Christian Faith or deeply immersed in or connected to it; and, in the course of what unfolds, there is the almost anonymous “hook up” contrasted with the deeply personal engagement and marriage of two of the central characters. In the midst of a volatile situation, whether externally with forest fires and the unpredictable killings of bystanders or the erupting, “internal dialogues”, within her characters, there “enters” an enclave of friendship in the house of a Jewish widow, Elizabeth, who has befriended her housekeeper and husband and the two people who, in time, will meet and be drawn together through a common love of Elizabeth and her brother, Abram.

Abram, who is a late vocation to the Anglican priesthood, and who preaches repentance and baptism before his death in a beautifully colourful Orthodox context of intense iconography, praise, and a radical Christian life. Sunderland’s portrayal of Abram brings out the dramatic nature of conversion and its call to others, drawing out friendships and opening up relationships, literally, between heaven and earth! While, in one sense, one might have objected to such a prayer saturated book, it is so taken up into the life of Abram that it truly shows the “invisible made visible” and a generous embrace of a variety of different expressions of the heart’s awakening to the existence of God who loves us in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. One wonders, too, about the author’s ecumenical embrace of different traditions with an almost “interior” unity between them all; and, as such, it is like reading an account with the sense of Ut Unum Sint, That They May All Be One, by St. John Paul II – but without the explicit mention of the pope.

Sunderland touches, too, on the challenge of harnessing the good of genetic science and repudiating its harmful, historical antecedents which, ominously, touch the present; and, it is good to see a brief but intermittent exchange about the credibility of evolutionary theory. Indeed, the need for explicitly critical thinking is evident as one character speaks of the ‘Cambrian explosion, a fossil record with no found links to earlier fossils, a species that simply appeared.’ In other words, within the scale and dynamic of the whole book, it is clear that the ’chance’ (cf. Proverbs, 2: 2) appearance of human life is as foreign to human existence as the passage between atheism to religious belief is intelligent.

In view, then, of our present times, full of the reality and ongoing tension of war, it is definitely consoling to discover an author who sees, simply, the whole: the detail amidst the grand sweep of history – both challenging us to the good use of our freedom and intelligence and encouraging us, in the context of time from time immemorial, to believe in repentance and prayer for the good of all.

Yes; there are echoes of C.S. Lewis’ That Hideous Strength – but a wonderfully exciting drama told wholly on her own terms! Christine Sunderland is both a woman with roots in the living waters (Psalm 1: 3) and a scribe who brings out both the old and the new and shows their harmony in the hands of God (cf. Matthew, 13: 52)!

Francis Etheredge, Catholic husband, father of 11, 3 of whom he hopes are in heaven, author of 11 books on Amazon, and 2 maybe 3 more due in 2022:

Amazon UK      Amazon US

The Prayerful Kiss, A Collection of Prose and Poetry by Francis Etheredge (St. Louis, MO: EnRoute Books and Media, 2019, 148 pp)

Reviewed by Christine Sunderland

The title of this stunning collection of prose and poetry, The Prayerful Kiss, references Psalm 139 which begins, “O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me” (KJV), exploring God’s creation of man. And so, in his first meditation, Francis Etheredge asks, “When does conception begin?” Does it begin with a kiss, a prayerful, intentional kiss, a kiss that is open to life in the context of marriage?

Mr. Etheredge has gifted us with a profound and touching collection of paired meditations and poems. Drawing on his own life of searching for meaning, searching for vocation, and searching for God (sometimes without knowing it), the words ring true, seeded in the pain and joy of his own fallen humanity.

He travels the humble road from sinner to saved. His anguish is tangible. He confesses, echoing Saint Augustine, that he has not always accepted life, not welcomed the unborn he has fathered, growing in the womb:

“But then the child was aborted. Whatever was half-thought about the existence of a beginning, an initial moment of animation, the various possibilities of our lives, the pain of discovering that that child’s life has been abruptly, terribly ended, was a pain as uninvited and prolonged as the joy had been brief and brilliant. Thirty years on, however, this child is as present to me as every other child; and, even if I cannot explain it, I am conscious of a fatherhood that I cannot forget.” (50)

His fear of commitment to vocation and marriage is finally overcome by an enlivened faith, overcome by the living Christ in his life. He has dodged and hedged and turned away from the choices of life – marriage, career, priesthood – until, at the age of forty, he sees that God the Creator can re-create him, give him a new beginning. He finally hears and obeys Our Lord’s words, go and sin no more.

With God directing him he discovers his vocation. He commits to marriage and being open to life, to welcoming the children conceived in marriage. He trusts God and can now obey him, for he sees there is no other way. He will not fear suffering; he will not fear the unknown. He is reborn to a life of life.

The poems and meditations begin to reflect this new life of family and children. Some are painful to read because they are so real. “Losing Her” speaks of his young daughter being led away by a stranger in a market, but a prayer prompts him to look to the checkout stand and call her name: “First a fruitlessly nervous first call,/ barely audible,/ and then a second,/ louder,/ more blasting naming of my child/ which unlocks the hand/ leading her away/ to let her return and stay.” (64)

“Freezing” describes the horror of embryos frozen for research in this brave new world of genetics challenged by bioethics: “Freezing/ is indescribably stopping a beginning:/ a beginning begun in the outward mixing of what/ God personalized through recognizing/ His own work in the unnatural handling of human ‘potters’.”  (65)

Francis Etheredge is finally able to say he has been given grace to start again:

“This poor man called and the Lord heard him (Psalm 34:6); and, after over twenty years of marriage, those words have not ceased to have their meaning but, rather, have grown roots in the very depths of my being.” (85)

And as for vocation, he decides he must write to explore “the myriad and challenging questions” of life but also to “wake up to the need of others to be able to read what helps to be written.” (90) Why write? Write for both writer and reader, he says.

He then considers writing and the nature of words and the Word of the ultimate Creator: “Writing is like finding a word,/ His word, while unsplitting,/ making one word in all that exists:/ giving the reason/ faith finds in science/ the image of itself.” (96)  He considers Christ and His Church, the grace of God turning his inwardness outward and giving him faith.

And so his faith is “enfleshed” in this moment of belief. His heart was locked, just as the doors in the upper room after the resurrection were locked. But Christ entered, bringing life: “Thus breath will enter you and cause the ‘bones’ to ‘live,’ receive ‘sinews,’ flesh and skin, ‘and you shall know that I am the Lord.’”(Ezekiel 37:5-6)

The profound themes of life and death and grace not only carried notes of Saint Augustine, but also the rhythms and pace of T.S. Eliot. There is a profound seriousness of purpose, a dark night of the soul in an unbelieving world, redeemed by the bright dawn of Christ.

Not only do I thankfully recommend The Prayerful Kiss by Francis Etheredge, but I believe it should be a part of every English Department’s studies. I’m looking forward to the second offering in this trilogy, Honest Rust and Gold, and the third, Within Reach of You (En Route Books and Media, 2020, 2021 respectively), hopefully to be reviewed on this site.

Francis Etheredge is a Catholic theologian, writer, and speaker, living in England. He is married, with eight children, plus three in Heaven. Mr. Etheredge holds a BA Div, an MA in Catholic Theology, a PGC in Biblical Studies, a PGC in Higher Education, and an MA in Marriage and Family. He is author of 11 books on Amazon: visit  Amazon UK  or  Amazon U.S.

Christine Sunderland is the author of seven award-winning novels about faith and family, freedom of speech and religion, and the importance of history and human dignity, the most recent being Angel Mountain (Wipf and Stock, 2020). She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and a white longhair cat named Angel.

(Grant Wood, 1891-1942)

There was a time when it was universally acknowledged that lying was wrong. Not only did it hurt others, but it hurt the liar. Slander and perjury remain offenses if proved with true evidence. But what is true and what is false? What burdens of proof are required in court and in community? In the media? In our national conversations?

We were told as children that George Washington, our first President, was a noble man. He turned down kingship for a termed presidency. He confessed that he chopped the cherry tree, saying “I cannot tell a lie.” While the latter was probably apocryphal, our culture lauded the virtue of honesty and, through national heroes, taught this virtue to our children. Is that true today?

The most egregious evidence of lack of truth-telling is seen today in the mainstream media. This is deeply troubling, for we know that a democracy, a free people, cannot exist without an unbiased free press informing the electorate.

“What is truth?” Pilate asked Jesus. Even then, at the peak of the Roman Empire, truth was difficult to capture. We have this perception today, that we each have our own truth, that truth is subjective, in the eye of the beholder. And yet without common ground and common truths, truths held to be self-evident, truths that support human rights and ensure peace through accepted law and order, we have a country of quicksand, a shifting mirage of unreality.

We celebrate Presidents’ Day tomorrow, somewhere between Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s. They are national heroes, or should be, in spite of their flaws, being human like you and I. We look to our heroes to bring us together as a people with common values. George Washington was brave and honest and good in times of great danger and revolution. Abraham Lincoln came from nothing and became something honorable; he was passionate and fair and freed the slaves, murdered for his actions. Both men stood for ideals they were willing to die for. And so we raise them up as heroes to emulate, to show our children how we all must try to be. This the truth of the past, the truth of belief in a God of love, of moral law, of judgment, and of eternity.

The eighth commandment says to not bear false witness, simplified to do not lie. Moses, another hero, carried the stone tablets burned by God with the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. Mankind was given specific moral laws to follow. Since that time, when we follow them, peace and happiness are more likely. When we do not follow them, war and misery prevail. So we teach these laws to our children, these ways to get along together, as a family, as brothers and sisters, as children of God. The first four list our duties to God; the last six list our duties to one another.

In the Gospel today Christ tells the parable of the seeds sewn in various kinds of soil and the resulting crops. In a sense the parable itself is a seed planted in the ear of those who don’t understand the parable. One day they will understand, for the seed will grow and bear fruit. In the meantime, he explains the meaning to the disciples gathered around him. The seed is Holy Scripture, the word of God. We are the soil. Will this seed grow in our own hearts? What kind of soil do we have? Will we produce good fruit?

It is a parable about truth and its many expressions. A friend of mine is keen on the power of stories to convey truth in a way simple facts do not. Stories – parables – touch a person’s heart and reside there for a time, hoping to take root. And so we tell stories that reflect the great truths of the human condition and ask the immense questions of existence: what is love? why are we here? what is goodness, truth, beauty? Is there a God? If so, is he a good God? Why do we suffer? Why does God allow suffering if he is good? What are his commandments, his desires for us? Is he really a God of love?

And in an unbelieving world, many stories reflect despair, self-pity, heartache, chaos, anarchy, and greed. In an unbelieving world, only matter exists, only the flesh, only oneself and one’s own needs.

Both sides are present in every person, and we see both at war in our culture. Machiavelli versus St. Francis. The powerful versus the peaceful. The dishonest versus the honest. Amorality versus morality.

Stories. Pinocchio’s nose grew long when he told a lie. The boy who cried wolf too many times lost the trust of the villagers. And yet a tiny ant (mouse?) could save a lion by chewing on the rope that bound him. The little could become great. But to be great one must follow the moral code. I’m not sure these stories are told anymore.

And so I celebrate Presidents’ Day. Hopefully the toppled statues will be righted. Hopefully we will teach our children about our national heroes and how we should behave as good citizens. We will not expect those heroes to be perfect – no one is – in order to be models. But we fly our flag of ideals, the ways we desire to be, the ways and means we desire to honor.

America remains a beacon on a hill, a light enlightening the world. The hill is still there, but the light is sputtering. It may go out without vigilance. May God guide us in the days to come. May truth prevail in our nation. May our flag of freedom always fly. May we always have national heroes.

It seems appropriate to begin Pre-Lent, the three Sundays prior to Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent, with Valentine’s Day, a celebration of love. For the entire Christian project is about love, God’s love for us, fallen and selfish as we all are. It is this recognition that forms the foundation of Western Civilization and thus makes the woke squirm uncomfortably.

It is difficult to see oneself as a sinner in need of redemption. The absence of God, of belief in a Judgment, solves this difficulty. But materialism creates other difficulties far worse. It robs life of meaning, structure, and even mental health. Studies show that a believer’s brain has the same markers as those markers identified for mental health. No wonder we long for meaning, for it is the best antidote to depression.

And so Christianity provides meaning and mental health. That’s not to say it is easy going. But if one tries to follow the rules, tries to keep the seasons and the feasts, tries to enter into a dialog with God we call prayer on a daily basis (hourly better), the “black dog” of depression will be kept at bay. We must experience Christ in the liturgy and allow him to remake us. We must open the door of our hearts so that he can enter.

It is scary sometimes to open that door, unlock one’s soul, so that it may be scrubbed clean by Christ’s rule. That is where habit helps. That is where the Church helps. For we have many supports in this great Christian project. We need only desire God. We need only join gatherings of others who desire God. We need only show up with other Christians on Sundays in church.

Suicide among the young has risen during what Arthur Hermann calls “The Great Confinement.” The secular structures of school and work have crumbled, allowing the meaning embodied in these activities to weaken or disappear, to be replaced with nothingness, meaninglessness, depression, suicide.

We need, as human beings, reason to believe. We need structure and meaning. Today there are many logical arguments to support that step toward faith. Mere Christianity did it for me (C.S. Lewis), but many others have since added to his apology. If one wants to believe, wants to find God, he or she will.

Perhaps the lockdowns threw a bright light on the health of our souls. Now we need to do something about it: go to church, talk to a pastor, ask questions. Read Lewis. Clean up the mess within so that new life can be born again.

And so we are celebrating Septuagesima Sunday, preparing for Lent. Lent of course prepares us for Easter and the magnificent (and meaningful) gift of eternal life for believers, found in the resurrection of Christ. But to be prepared for Lent means scrubbing and cleaning and heart opening, baring of the soul. We consider what we might give up for Lent and what we might take on. We robe ourselves with garments of humility and honesty, sacrifice and offering, all parts of love. Where have I fallen short of the Ten Commandments? Where have I not loved enough? Have I delighted in wrong and deplored right? Self-examination begins today, and the Church offers a formal way of confessing and being absolved by God, but such confession can also happen each evening, on the knees, praying at the end of each day, scrubbing that day before sleep.

And Valentine’s Day reminds us of love. In spite of the commercialization, and the many historical saints that claim this day, the message is the same. Love one another and, most of all, love your spouse, in sickness and in health.

Today I give thanks to Our Lord Jesus Christ for entering my heart when I opened the door fifty-five years ago at the age of twenty. I was, looking back, heading for depression at the time, the meaningless of existentialism preached in my college classes hanging like a dark fog over me. I believed what they taught, that God was dead, belief a fool’s dream. When I turned back to the crossroads where I had taken a wrong turn, I saw the cross and took a different road. I listened to C.S. Lewis. And I opened the door of my heart.

Deo Gratias.

Today’s Epistle is one of the most beautiful in all of St. Paul’s letters to the churches. As in many others, he gives us lists, describing how we are to behave, what virtues we are to put on, as though they were garments of grace. We are to let the peace of God rule in our hearts, singing with grace in our hearts to the Lord. As the body of Christ, we bond our perfection with charity, that is, with love. We are to let the words of Christ dwell in us richly in all wisdom:

The Epistle for the 5th Sunday after Epiphany, Colossians iii.2+
“PUT on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and be-loved, a heart of compassion, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” 1928 Book of Common Prayer, 116

There is much here about hearts and love and peace and unity and music and thanksgiving. And yet we are called the elect, “holy and loved,” set apart from the world around us. It is a word that says others will not be with us; others will not have the vision of God. 

In today’s divisions and angry accusations and distrust, this letter to the Colossians is an oasis. Who wouldn’t want to sing with grace to the Lord? And yet we must also be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, long-suffering. We must forgive quarrels. We must do these things to be a part of the elect, to know this peace that passes all understanding.

We live in a materialistic world, a world that countenances only the physical, the material aspect of humanity. We are told we are only a conglomeration of atoms with no soul, no interior life. And yet how do we explain consciousness itself – that we can be outside ourselves, looking at ourselves? This alone says we are meant for another world, a world we intuitively know, a world we call our true home.

Families are divided into these camps: the materialists and the believers. The materialist makes up his own rules for there is no outside authority. The believer believes this authority rests in God our creator and we must follow his rules. The Church helps interpret these commandments so that we can practice them each day as we live our lives on this earth. The Church is our second authority.

Our communities and our nation are divided into these believers and non-believers, nihilists, materialists.

Recognizing these very real divisions helps us understand the Gospel for today, a troubling one for many. Our Lord tells the parable of the tares (weeds) that have been sown amidst the wheat of good seed by an enemy. At the time of the harvest the tares will be gathered and burned; the wheat will be gathered separately and saved. I look at family and friends that are materialists and realize they may not be gathered and saved.

And so we pray for them. We pray for our families, our nation, our world. We pray that all may be gathered at the harvest and saved. We pray that all may say yes to God, that all may know the peace and joy and wisdom of faith in Jesus Christ. We pray that all may open their hearts to the reasons we have today to believe, the scientific reasons, the philosophical reasons, the simple reasons of recognition that it all makes perfect sense. For there are plenty of reasons to believe, plenty of rational arguments that say we are made for another place, a place we will call home.

This is the good news – that if we desire God, we will find him.

My husband and I are celebrating our fortieth wedding anniversary. The sacrament of marriage is a religious rite in which a couple makes vows to love one another in sickness and in health, till death parts them. This is a sacrament ordained by God. And yet today it is rejected by materialists who say we are only fleshly creatures and it matters not whether we make public vows. Materialists live together without concern for marriage, denying the commandment to marry before living as husband and wife. For this union is of vital concern to God.

Why is marriage so important to God? Why the ceremony and why the vows? Because marriage will make us happy. Because marriage will provide children and ensure the continuing life of mankind on earth. Because marriage will teach us how to be sacrificial and suffering, how to truly love one another. Because marriage will teach us how to love within the family community so that we can love within the broader community of citizens in towns and states and nations. It all starts with marriage and hopefully family. Marriage is a Christian sacrament, betrayed by the materialism of today. Tares have been sewn amidst the good seed.

And so we turn to St. Paul and his advice to the Colossians. We put on the heart of God, singing and praising, and loving as we are meant to love.

We are in the season of Epiphanytide, the weeks following the Feast of the Epiphany and leading up to “Pre-Lent”, the “Gesima Sundays”: Septuagesima, Sexagesima, and Quinquagesima. These Sundays in turn lead up to Lent proper, which begins Ash Wednesday, March 2, this year. Epiphanytide can be up to six weeks, swinging upon the date of Easter, which depends upon the full moon (!). Yes, we still have holy days and seasons depending upon full moons, reflecting the two thousand years of celebrating the stunning reality that God came to earth, became incarnate, in the flesh, walking among us.

Epiphany celebrates the good news of the birth of Christ, Christ-mass, to our world: the birth of the Son of God. The magi, or kings, or wise men, arrive from distant places bringing gifts. They follow a star that has led them on their journey, a star that history has identified as the conjunction of three cosmic events in the heavens.

Epiphany means manifestation, or showing forth, and in this case a showing forth to the gentile world, proclaiming that the gift of salvation is for all peoples, not just the “chosen” ones.

In this sense, Epiphany proclaims the equal dignity of all men and women, of all human life. Epiphany says, God loves you no matter who or what you are. God wants you for his own, to be with him in Paradise.

And so the lessons in this season reflect this showing forth, this shining light upon this marvelous truth for all. Today’s Gospel is particularly lovely, for we speak the words of the Centurion in the liturgy of each Holy Eucharist. The Roman soldier asks Jesus to heal his servant at home. Because of his faith, he believes that Christ can heal from a distance. He says: “Speak the words only and my servant will be healed.” And, we are told later that his servant was healed in the same hour.

These words are spoken in our liturgy just before receiving the Eucharist, with a slight modification: “Speak the words only and my soul shall be healed.” We repeat these words three times as the celebrant holds up the Host for all to see. Then we line up to receive the Real Presence, the Mystical Presence, of Christ.

It is a mystical miracle, each time, indeed. These homely elements of bread and wine, our simple bodies bowed in penitence and hope, our plea for salvation, our faith that it will be given to us if we ask, conquering death and time.

This is no small thing. And yet we are small, the wafers are small, the offering we make – ourselves, our souls and bodies to be a reasonable sacrifice – is small too. He is the God of small things. He inhabits small things, as Eastern religions have known for a long time. Large things are puffed up and proud. Pride seals off the divine. It closes the door of the heart. Pride – largeness – says I can do it myself, leave me alone.

But we can’t do it ourselves. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot heal ourselves.

Christians are simple people. They face simple truths directly and live accordingly, or at least try not to self-deceive. We are mortal and frail and one day we will die: we need God. We do not love enough: we need Christ. To admit these things is what living is all about. If we want to glory, we glory in Christ himself, in the Cross of Christ, in our redemption.

Our 1928 Anglican-Episcopal Book of Common Prayer is full of Holy Scripture like these words of the Centurion. And because we repeat many of the phrases each week, each month, each year, depending upon the season, we write these words on our hearts, we inwardly digest them, as one opening prayer says in Advent. The repetition is useful and beautiful, for not only do we learn and digest, but we speak the words together, in unison, in a kind of starry dance. We in the pews become a choir of angels, bathed in the light of Christ.

It is this light – these starry epiphanies – that I desire to write about in my next novel. I am currently developing the main characters, those who will inhabit the pages, who will hopefully and faithfully shed light upon our world. I study real people through memoir or biography and create composites that will become epiphanies, manifestations of the light of God. While I am not creating living breathing human beings as our Heavenly Father does, I pray that Our Lord will speak the word only and they shall come alive on the page, that they shall reflect simple truths of our existence in today’s world, the joys, the pains, the meaningful moments pointing to our reason to be alive at all.

There was a mighty rushing wind that whirled around our house this last week. The whoosh was ferocious as though a roaring lion were breathing upon our hillside at the base of Mount Diablo. I thought how nature was not always gentle, kind, and caring about humanity but ran on a course of its own. Our house was in the middle of that course, it seemed. Would we be blown into the sea?

I thought of Pentecost and the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the disciples, like a mighty wind.

Hurricanes and tornadoes must sound like that. It’s nature beyond our control, and that which we cannot control is scary.

I thought too how God’s anger could be like that wind – his anger at our slaughter of the unborn at the whim of convenience, our demand for control of events, bodies, time, future.

And yet we have little control at the end of the day, each day, when the sun sets and darkness falls, and we are dependent upon something called the grid for light. We stack candles and matches in closets and drawers and hoard batteries to feed flashlights. Our phones go dead. Electric wires atop poles running through the hills crash into dry grass and forest, setting them ablaze, turning wind into fire (Big Sur fire still burning). We have little control.

And yet, what we do have control over, or at least bits of control, we are responsible for. We have control over what we say and do to a limited degree. We have control over our loves and hates. We have control over our vote, who we desire to represent us in these United States. We have control over law and order, or at least we can control our own support or lack thereof. 

With control comes responsibility. With responsibility comes guilt. With guilt comes the anger of God.

I believe it was Victor Davis Hanson who wrote (probably in his recent excellent book The Dying Citizen) that with false victimhood (and who is not a victim today?) comes denial of responsibility. Guilt is washed away when you are a victim, or at least guilt is explained or excused.

I knew a priest some years ago who was a professional victim. I noticed it right away, for he tended to whine and bemoan his difficult childhood, so I proceeded warily. For blaming others for your sins, either directly or indirectly, is a dangerous game to play. When he was finally exposed as a serial liar and sexual predator, I thought back to the times he may have been lying about common friends, slandering them, to make him look good in a bid for our sympathy. But he was convincing and we credulous. We wanted to believe him. In hindsight, I should have seen it all coming, but didn’t, and was blindsided by the turn of events soon to come that would expose him. Today, we have no idea what was true and what was false in our conversations. And we have learned that we too were slandered by him in handwringing conversations with others. He played us all and, I believe, still does.

It is tempting to play the victim, for it smooths the rough edges of our soul, hides the guilt. It is a powerful tool.

Many women see themselves as victims when they become pregnant. They think they have a right to end this tiny miracle of a life just beginning. But they don’t have this right, and they have fallen into the blame game of victimhood.

No one has the right to take another person’s life, let alone murder an innocent person, a baby, born or unborn.

Many brave souls marched in the cold this weekend as they have annually, announcing their commitment to these innocent children. “Stop the killing,” they cry, hoping the court will overturn Roe v. Wade and abortion on demand. America has the stain of sixty-two million abortions in the last fifty years, three generations gone with the flash of a blade. For this to be legal, written into law, is a horrendous shame. It ranks of… evil.

God is angry and should be. Our God is a God of life. He created those innocent ones. He feels the blade with them. He weeps on their cross.

I thought about this, this morning in the Berkeley chapel, that our God is a God of Life. We celebrated the first miracle of Christ, the turning of water into wine at a wedding feast in Cana in Galilee. The simplicity and need of the act touches me. Had Mary seen him do these things before? She says to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you to do.” She says to her son, “They have no more wine.” And so Our Lord remedies the situation, turning 150 gallon vats of water into “the best wine,” as the master of the feast says later.

It is a homely miracle, a sort of kitchen miracle. He did not save lives or stop a ship from sinking or walk on the water, not yet. He supplies wine when it runs out. He does so at a wedding feast, a sacramental celebration, and so celebrates marriage itself.

It reminds me how our God is a God of seemingly small things, not only big things. We are small things. Babies are small things. Our God is a God who knows when a sparrow falls. As my bishop of blessed memory said, “Nothing is wasted.” In God’s economy, everything we do and think and believe is known by him, marked by him. He knows the hairs on our head, or in my case, lack of hairs on my head. I remember this glorious smallness when I think I am not good enough, not loving enough, not successful enough, when publishers turn me down with form letters saying “It doesn’t work for us.” I remember that “nothing is wasted, nothing is lost.”

And so we clean out our hearts of every little grimy sin we see, so that we can receive absolution, become clean enough to receive him, the Real Presence of Christ into our bodies.

The Cana miracle reflects the living God of all creation, for to turn one substance into another is no small thing, yet is a small thing for him. He charges matter with life, with atoms forming substance. We call this a sacrament and, in the sacrament of the Eucharist atoms of bread and wine become charged with his life. They become “the real substance of things unseen.”

Of these matters we can only say they are a mystery. We are too small to understand fully. But we know enough to say these matters are true, real, and miraculous everyday occurrences.

The natural world breathes the breath of God upon us. We are his children, the work of his hands. He knew us in the womb; he knew us when we breathed our first breath and took our first steps. Nothing is lost; nothing wasted. And for this we celebrate in a chapel on a windy morning in Berkeley. We celebrate life itself, for this life conquers death.

A friend entered Paradise last night. His soul left his weak mortal flesh to rise to Paradise. He was and is a big hearted man, a loving man, a man of faith and purpose. His good humor humored us all, those who worked with him to witness to Christ through the St. Joseph of Arimathea Foundation in Berkeley. Our Board meetings have been virtual the last few years, so we were denied his physical presence and yet he was there on the screen. He was a layman, a businessman, a husband and father, and a faithful (founding) member of St. Thomas’ Anglican Church in San Francisco. He helped found our St. Ann Chapel at Stanford as well.

He loved life and he loved people. We loved him for he always brought a smile that birthed our own smiles. We felt his love.

Where is he now?

I do not know exactly the time sequences, the order of events, in Paradise, for the simple reason we are outside of time, and as creatures bound in earthly time, we cannot envision Eternity. And yet, as my theological grandson mentioned at Christmas, we sleep until the Second Coming of Christ to Earth and the advent of the New Jerusalem. This New Heaven and Earth will be our home and we shall be given our perfected bodies. Wrongs will be righted, paths will be straightened, and Christ shall wipe all tears from our eyes. We shall be reunited with those who have journeyed before us, at least those who desire to be in Paradise, those who believe, those who claim Christ as their savior and redeemer.

We cannot judge how others are judged by our Heavenly Father. We can only look into our own hearts, scrub them clean, repent, accept forgiveness, and live the life we are meant to live. I have many family and friends who do not believe in the promises and glory of Christ. Some have left this Earth and this Time we are bound by. Some are still living in their mortal flesh, creating their own meaning day to day. All I can do is pray for them, that they will have a vision of God as I have.

Prayer, I have found, opens a door to Christ. Prayer is a portal between Heaven and Earth. I have long considered the Eucharist to be a portal to Heaven, for we are fed by the Real Presence of Christ. So also, I have come to see, is prayer, especially prayer alongside others in worship. For after all, the Eucharist is the great prayer instituted by Jesus Christ himself at the Last Supper. Many of the hymns we sing are prayers, song prayers addressed directly to God. Our voices raised in such poetic melody open doors to Heaven.

And so this morning as I listened to the Gospel appointed for today, the baptism of Jesus by John, the dove descending, the voice from Heaven saying, “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased,” I thought how my friend entered Eternity and embarked upon this great journey on the eve of the Second Sunday after Epiphany, the eve of the Sunday we celebrate the Baptism of Christ.

Our preacher reminded us that all baptisms recall our own baptisms, recall the promises made and gifts of grace given in return. We recall our own washing away of sin by water and the Holy Spirit, our own rebirth. For Christ said we must be reborn spiritually to enter the Kingdom of God. And we have been reborn in baptism.

My friend entered Heaven. He was redeemed and reborn, born into the new life of Christ, born into the Kingdom of God. He has been met by Our Lord himself and greeted with the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into the joy of your Lord.”

Until we meet again in the New Jerusalem, we will miss you, dear friend.

Deo Gratias.

A new year has been marked in the calendars of mankind. Time has been broken into pieces so that we can organize it to form associations with one another through work, play, sickness, health. We set aside times in the future where we promise to be, where we promise to give of our time for that moment, hour, day.

Time has become slippery during the last two years of our lives. It has slipped and slid and merged into one rolling river, the tide pulling us along to some end we do not see. Our children reflect our own confusion over the chaos of our lives, the meaningless moments of waiting, masking, meeting mandates and following confusing rules that seem to end in a dead-end, all the while contradicting one another.

Should we make resolutions in this new year of time? Or is it a futile enterprise?

In these years of darkness, confusion, crime, and chaos, we reach for the light. If we can shine more light upon the swift current, the fast moving river that carries us into the future, then we will understand better who and what we are, who and what we have become. We will understand better and with this understanding we will see meaning and purpose to it all.

Reflecting on this morning in our Berkeley chapel, I sense that Christians are given a gift that others must create or do without. Christians are given a map of the rivers running through time. We are told which ones are good and which ones are evil. We are warned of the rapids coming around the bend and what we should do to prepare. We are warned of waterfalls and cliffs that plunge into the dark abyss.

In the last century, modernity declared that God is dead, a fiction of our (deplorable) imagination. With this denunciation and burial, modernity gazes into the abyss, the endless endings, the fearsome silence, the falling through the sky into the depths of nothingness.

I knew this meaninglessness once as a young college student listening to lectures on the insanity of Christian belief and the order to embrace existentialism. A friend showed me another way. I began to pray for faith. I began to read apologetics (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity) with an open mind and heart, searching for reason to believe, but expecting none. Prayer opened my mind and heart, for I had made that first step, not a leap, but a baby step, my arm reaching out, my hand waiting for God to clasp it, waiting for God to see me and catch my freefalling fall.

St. Luke tells of a woman who touched the hem of the robe of Jesus. She wanted to be made whole. She reached out, hoping, praying. I reached out too. I wanted to be made whole too, although I didn’t realize it yet.

When we reach for Jesus he reaches for us. But we must want him to. And to want his touch we must open ourselves, bare ourselves, burn away all pride and control. For pride and control are walls that divide us not only from others, but divide us from God.

I have wondered over the last year, how easy it has become for many public figures to lie about matters of life and death for mankind, the future of freedom and democracy. My bishop of blessed memory often said he couldn’t lie because he wasn’t smart enough to keep track of the lies. Perhaps this is what we are seeing in the public square today – men and women who come to believe their lies, for the narrative they create must continue or be washed clean, like erasing letters on a chalk board. One lie begets another and another and another, covering tracks and making falsehoods appear to be true. The narrative is carried whole from one institution to another, from one network to another, from one citizen to another.

I have found that when I go to church I am more likely to scrub my conscience and face God with abandon. Worship does this, allows us to experience God, the God of Abraham, Moses, and Elijah, the God of kings and prophets, the God who became one of us, robed in flesh, named Jesus, the God that offered himself to me and for me, to die a painful death upon a cross on a hill outside Jerusalem, the God who rose from the dead for me, so that my emptiness could be filled forever, my cup running over with goodness and mercy.

And so I sing with the others in the chapel to the sound of the thundering organ. As I sing, I lay my heart and soul bare, open to the miracles of the morning. And there are always miracles, too numerous to count.

It all began with an unlikely step of faith, a little baby step, a step I didn’t think would make any difference. And yet, one step led to another that led to another, so that my own narrative, my journey on this river of life, is full of joy.

And it gets better each year, this amazing journey. At the age of seventy-four, I have no regrets that I chose this river. For the Church has been my ark, and we have sailed together, I in her womb of life with those who travel with me. We are the family of God, precious in his sight. We are his bride.

And so, as I embark on this year 2022, I watch and wait and see what Christ has prepared for me, for his people, for his bride the Church. The watching opens my eyes so I can see better, and I find I am in a pool of heavenly light. The waiting opens my heart so I can love better, and I find I have dear brothers and sisters all about me.

I pray for those caught in the darkness of lies, for it is a deep and fathomless abyss, a hope-less narrative. The remedy is to take that small step toward the light of truth, to say yes to God. The remedy is to be open to Christ working his will among his people. This is a narrative of love, of epiphany, of astounding joy.