Tag Archives: mothers

Laboring for Love

Writing2We celebrate Labor Day tomorrow, a national holiday honoring the Labor Union Movement and the contribution of workers to our country. But we all labor in different ways, unionized or not, and it is good to consider the place of work in our culture.

Work may be defined in many ways. There’s working to pay the rent and put food on the table. There is volunteer work, actively helping others without payment. A mother’s work is never done, it is said, and probably true. Most of us wake with the first cry of our children and work for their well being on and into the night. They may grow up and leave home but will always be our children. We will always be their mothers. And so it ever shall be.

There is the work of those lucky few who have found joy in their calling, especially those who are paid to do something they love. They reap envy from others, but they too have their long hours of toil, one disciplined step at a time.

I have found it interesting that the Women’s Movement was begun by ladies of leisure, graduates from Ivy League colleges, women with time on their hands. They had no meaningful work. Nannies cared for their children. Cooks cooked and housekeepers kept house. What’s a girl to do? It was inevitable that ladies’ lunches and charity bazaars would bore some women. They wanted to be rewarded financially, for their brains if not their brawn. They wanted recognition in the “real” world. Somehow raising children wasn’t real, when they didn’t do the raising. I can see that.

As feminism swept the country, the women in my family were swept along with many others from the modest middle class. A woman without a career was somehow weak or silly or dimwitted. Eventually and with some reluctance, being a homemaker was accepted as acceptable, or at least lip service was paid. And so families, already fraught with the natural tensions of human beings living under one roof, without maid, cook, or nanny, felt additional pressure to meet unreal expectations, to “have it all.”

Feminism has benefited our world in many ways; equal pay for equal work, and greater respect for women, have been a welcome revolution.

But the desire of the wealthy to head off to work says something about basic human needs. We are wired to create, to build, to move from beginnings to middles to ends. To produce and achieve. Medieval monks knew this, laboring in those secluded houses of unceasing prayer, for their hours of prayer alternated with hours of work – ora and labora, as St. Benedict decreed. Their labor, their toil, was often tedious, to be sure, in fields and farm, digging, planting, harvesting. Monastics in more cloistered orders prayed in solitary cells, but they saw prayer itself as a kind of work. Their words to God were not turned inward as found in Buddhism or Hinduism, but outward, to the Christian God of love, as they meditated on his Incarnation, Passion, and Resurrection. All Christian prayer has a goal within it that pulls one outside oneself – praise, petition, confession, intercession, thanksgiving. In this sense prayer is a work in itself, a beautiful work for God.

A tradition grew within Christianity of prayerful work, labora full of ora, work full of prayer. We offer our work to God, our time, ourselves, minute by minute. We infuse our work with the holy. Secularists have borrowed and renamed the idea, calling it “living in the moment” or “mindfulness”. But Christians have practiced this for centuries. In a world created by God, all creation, all time, is holy, and even our breathing can be infused with God’s spirit. A prayer-full friend taught me to breathe Jesus in and out, Je in and sus out, pulling God into our very breath, the breath that he breathed into us in the Garden. Now we hear from therapists to remember to breathe deeply, to relax.

Work structures our time on earth and gives it meaning, even if only for an hour. It structures our minds as well. We discipline ourselves to go to work, to labor and toil, to make the effort to sit down and work, say, to write this blog. In the discipline itself, my mind is slightly changed, remade. My brain has been strengthened, sculpted, for the next work challenge. And my time has reaped rewards. I have no regrets.

We say a woman giving birth goes through labor. It is a life-giving work, God-like in its power and its love. For the woman must suffer in this labor, must breathe and push and give of her body to allow this new life, this child within her, the chance to breathe as she has been given. It is the most glorious and important and cosmic work of all, a true labor of love. It would be good for our culture to one day honor such labor. It would be good to tell the truth about mothers and their unborn babies. Every woman giving birth should be especially honored. I pray for that, and that is another labor of love.

Since the Garden of Eden, when man was sent into the world to work, we have toiled for our living. And yet, through grace, our loving God pours himself into our labor.

We need merely breathe him in and he will turn our work into his glory.

On Mothers

It’s crystal clear, the skies windswept and bluer than blue, here in the Bay Area this Mother’s Day, the second Sunday in May, Mary’s month of May. The proximity of the two celebrations each year always touches me, for it is a time to consider the very center of human life, the miracle of birth.

Mothers, like our mother Mary, have strong ties to their children. In some sense, after the season in the womb, after the dramatic entrance into our world, after the great first gasp of air, the cord is never cut, but holds fast throughout life. Some cords are stronger than others, some ties are formed in spite of little desire or intention, some are never formed through tragic circumstances. Some mothers early on have the sword of love pierce their hearts; some know that piercing later. Mothers who adopt, God bless them, may not have given birth, but in their hearts they did, and they swaddle that baby close, cheek against breast, nearly one flesh. Love is like that. It weaves a strong cord, entwining, holding, feeding, eyeing, singing.

We know that our mother Mary, the new Eve, grinds her heal on the ancient serpent, Satan, destroying him. She gives birth to the Son of God, incarnate in her womb. She loves, she suffers, and she watches her son die a cruel and humiliating death. She is full of grace and blessed among women. She prays for us just as we ask her to. She has appeared to many of her children through the centuries, sending them fountains and wells of healing waters. She loves us so; she is our mother.

As a mother I for a time housed my child within me. My body was his home, his very life blood. It is easy to think that he was literally a part of me, so close were we, but that is the great mysterious miracle. For the child was separate, a genetically unique human being, unique in all past, present, and future time, fully known only by God. When labor is accomplished, and the unborn is born, mothers know they have been part of the greatest miracle on earth. Gather any group of mothers together and mention the birth of a baby, and each will remember what happened to her on that day. She will recall the hugely important part she played in this great drama, for it is seared in her memory. Mothers tell their stories to one another as though reciting heroic ballads upon which the world depends – all history, all humanity, all love. The hours and minutes of giving birth are alive, fresh and real, eager to be shared.

The anguish and the pain are forgotten in the joy of new life. Circumstances may not have been perfect – perhaps the mother was alone. Perhaps she didn’t want the child. Perhaps she thought her life would be ruined or simply changed. Perhaps she gave birth in a back room, or in a cave, or in a stable. But with the telling, each mother chooses the joyous bits to remember. The infant placed in her arms. “Hello,” she says. “What shall I name you?” Then, “I love you… don’t worry, it will be all right.” She vows to protect that child forever; to feed, clothe, and teach this son or daughter to become loving and responsible. Of course her life is changed. How could it not be? She will never be the same. But she has no regrets. She is a mother now. She has learned how to love.

But most of all mothers remember how close we were at that moment to the heart of life, the beating heart of God, in this stunning miracle, how in that place at that time in each of our lives we touched eternity.

Today, as we drove to church this morning, my thoughts returned to a moment nearly forty-two years ago in Grace Hospital in Vancouver, Canada. My son was born, big and strong and healthy and a little pinched around the head. He was bald. He squinted up at me as I held him in the crook of my arm, neatly wrapped in cotton flannel. Today he is bigger and stronger and still healthy, a father of two. He shall always be my little boy, even at six foot three, and I shall always love him, always worry about him, always want to shelter him from life’s sufferings such a part of love. That’s what mothers do.

So on this Third Sunday of Easter when the preacher spoke of Mother Church holding us in her womb, gathering us all together, protected by her seamless cloak woven from the golden threads of sacraments, I understood what he was saying perhaps better than he did. The Church is many things – an ark in the sea of life, the Bride of Christ, the Body of Christ, Mother to her faithful children. I thought of icons depicting the Madonna holding the Church within her cloak, for Mary was the first Christian tabernacle, her body the home of God’s Son, and today, the home of His Body, the Church, the Body of Christ.

The images danced in my mind, weaving, joining, coming together again. Words cannot fully explain what is unexplainable. Mysteries are mysterious. But image and symbol and story and art and song can connect the dots of God’s love for us so that we begin to see a shape, an outline, for we recognize reality when we see it. And the Church nourishes and protects us just as mothers nourish and protect their unborn. The Church teaches us and shows us the way, just as mothers do their born children. We need only say yes to her. 

And when we do say yes, when we listen to her and worship within her and remain faithful to her, suddenly we see. We are no longer squinting; our eyes are opened. The skies are bluer than blue, the air windswept and crystal clear.

On Mothers and the Mysterious Miracle of Life

The mystery of life is just that, I suppose, a great mystery.

We are conceived from the union of man and woman. We are not cloned, at least not meant to be. We are created completely new creatures, one formed from two, a unique genetic collection, a unique soul, different from any before and any coming after. This mystery we take for granted as part of life, as life itself, but it is still a mysterious miracle.

Women are the physical means of this mystery made real. A woman carries this unique person within her, feeding the child with her own life blood. In this sense women are part of the creating act. Flesh stretches thin to make room for the baby in the womb. Energy pours from mother to child, into this new life so that the baby may grow fat with flesh and bones, hair and eyes, organs, heart and lungs, fingers and toes, to be born into light and air and oxygen, to breathe those first breaths of life.

Just so, God became incarnate (in-the-flesh) in the young Mary of Nazareth. Just so, Mary said yes, chose to allow the Son of God to grow within her, to stretch her flesh and receive her energy, to be born of human flesh in Bethlehem of Judaea two thousand years ago.

Last Sunday in London my husband and I honored Our Lady in a festive procession winding outside through the doors of St. Mary’s Bourne Street Church and into a neat neighborhood of brick townhouses. We sang to Mary, asking for her prayers. We honored the Mother of God, the Theotokos. We gave thanks that she chose life, that she said yes, so that the divine could be made manifest, made incarnate in our world of flesh.

And so today, we honor all mothers, for it is indeed Mothers’ Day. But it is also Ascension Sunday. The ascension of Christ to Heaven, it seems to me, is another great mystery of flesh and spirit. For having risen from the dead, Christ’s body is no longer the same as ours, his flesh not quite our flesh. Yet he carries us with him, for he was born of us. He conquered death to become the way. And we too, when our flesh dies, will be given new bodies, perfect bodies, bodies without pain, flesh without wounds. We too will be resurrected.

Our human nature – our humanity – is born in that moment of conception, that union of man and woman. Such flesh is corruptible, will die. It will grow to adulthood, will age, and will live for a time on this earth. But such flesh is also spirit-filled, making us Sons and Daughters of God, should we choose to belong to God. And if we do choose not to belong to him, we will not ascend, for we will have rejected the only way to heaven, Christ Jesus, the incarnate one, the resurrected and ascended one.

Today we honor all mothers, for they have chosen life. They have birthed the next generation of our world. This birthing is an astounding thing, one not to be taken for granted. And we honor those too who mother without birthing, those who care for children in schools, churches, families. For these women – grandmothers, aunts, friends – give their spirit, give themselves to our young as they journey from birth, traveling through their span of time.

And we continue to honor, in this Mary Month of May, the Mother of Our Lord, the one who said yes to the divine life so that we might live too.